The Mother’s Mental Load – The New Year’s Resolution to Make

Every year, millions of women make New Year’s resolutions about their health, hoping to bring about positive change. The most popular resolutions include getting in shape, losing the baby weight, and enjoying life to the fullest. With the Canadian population still riding out the second wave of the pandemic, new year resolutions matter even more. And like everything, the typical resolutions need updating to fit our current reality. So what resolution can we make in 2021 to keep us healthy and moving forward?

The mental load exists for all mothers, working and stay-at-home, and fathers who act as the primary parent.

According to a survey conducted by the Mental Health Commission of Canada, Canadians feel staggering stress levels, especially women, with 52% of women reporting an “all-time” level of stress¹. Physical health is important, but in 2021 mental health has become the priority.

The mental load is a term for the cognitive labour involved in managing a household and family – sometimes called “worry work.” It’s the stress you feel when you have a lot of things on your mind. It’s reminding your partner to pick up milk, remembering crazy hat day, planning meals, multi-tasking, organizing, checking – and I’ll stop there. It’s the feeling of having a never-ending list inside your mind, and it’s exhausting. With everyone at home, chances are your mental load is heavier than ever. So what can you do to decrease it?

Help your partner understand

The chances are that he or she doesn’t know how it feels to manage a household. The mental load is not an easy concept to explain, so here’s a comic to share that perfectly explains the mental load working mothers bear.

Read Full Comic

Delegate the load.

Have your partner take responsibility for some of the household tasks. And prepare to feel okay when your partner has a different way of doing things. The same can be said for older kids. At eight or 9-years old, your child is more than capable of doing his laundry. And when he forgets, there is no permanent harm to him wearing pyjama pants for the day.

Wear a uniform every day.

Did you know that the most successful people wear the same outfit every day? Mark Zuckerberg’s hoodie, Steve Jobs turtleneck and Karl Lagerfield tailored black jacket, to name a few². And the reason for this is because of “decision fatigue” and the realization that the fewer decisions you make in a day, the more energy you have for things that matter more.

Stop putting yourself last.

We’ve talked about the importance of self-care before and how women, mothers especially, are pretty bad at taking care of themselves. But here’s the kicker, when you take care of yourself, you are happier, which makes you better equipped to take care of others. And it’s time to think about what you honestly need because it’s not bubble baths or a glass of wine. So how can you take care of yourself?

If you are sleep-deprived, sleep training can help. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not the mother’s burden to survive indefinitely on 3-hours of sleep. It’s hard to listen to your baby cry, but it’s even harder for her to have an exhausted mother who does not have the energy to play or the patience to help.

If you lack sexual intimacy with your partner, medical intervention can help. The hormonal changes brought on by having children can cause low sex drive, dryness and pain during sex. If this is you, don’t wait. Talk to us today about how Viveve and other vaginal rejuvenation procedures can help you feel happier about yourself and your sex life.

We’re still feeling the pandemic’s pressure, and many aspects of our lives feel like it’s on pause. However, mental health is not something that can wait. Reducing your mental load can’t be achieved overnight, but these strategies are significant first steps to getting there. It’s a new year – let’s embrace it!